I Didn’t Think I’d Be That Guy Buying Gold… Until I Was

So picture this.

It’s 3AM. I’m half-asleep, scrolling through my phone, trying to figure out how to outsmart inflation, avoid another crypto faceplant, and maybe stop my retirement plan from looking like a joke.

Then it hit me—gold. Yeah, real shiny bars of metal. The kind pirates fight over. The kind your granddad buried in coffee cans in the backyard because he didn’t trust the banks. And for some reason, in that late-night haze, it made complete sense.

But here’s the kicker: I had no idea what kind of gold to buy.

I thought gold was just gold. Turns out, there are types. Layers. Grades. And if you pick the wrong one? You might as well be buying costume jewelry off eBay.

Let me save you from the same spiral. This is what I wish someone had told me before I started tossing thousands at yellow metal. If I had started reading Merrimack Mortgage, I could have saved myself a lot of headaches.

What Is Investment Grade Gold Anyway?

Let’s break it down like we’re talking over a beer.

“Investment grade gold” is just a fancy way of saying “gold that actually holds its value and is easy to buy, sell, and trade.”

It’s not your grandma’s necklace (unless she was stashing bullion under the bed). It’s high-purity, recognized gold that’s typically in the form of coins or bars, and it’s often issued by governments or reputable refiners.

And yeah, there are different types of this stuff—and not all of them are created equal.

1. Gold Bullion Bars: The Big Dogs of Wealth Storage

When I first saw one of these in person, I thought, dang, this looks like something you’d steal in a heist movie.

Gold bars—also called “bullion bars”—are pure, hefty, and scream “I mean business.”

• Purity: Usually 99.5% to 99.99% pure

• Sizes: Anywhere from 1 gram to 400 ounces (but let’s be honest, most of us start small)

• Pros: Low premium over spot price, great for stacking serious value

• Cons: Harder to sell in huge chunks; storing them securely is a whole thing

I went with a few smaller bars at first because, well, the idea of holding a literal gold brick felt absurd. And also kind of thrilling. Like I had a secret vault behind a painting (I didn’t—but I wanted to).

2. Gold Coins: The Collector’s Favorite (And My First Mistake)

Alright, confession time.

I bought a few coins early on because they looked cool. Eagle on the front, lady liberty doing her thing—artistic, patriotic, whatever. It was only later I realized not all coins are created equal.

Some are numismatic, which means collectors value them for their rarity, age, or design. That’s great… if you’re a collector. I wasn’t.

If you want investment grade, stick with bullion coins. These are minted by governments and are priced based on gold content, not fancy history.

Top players:

• American Gold Eagle

• Canadian Maple Leaf

• South African Krugerrand

• Australian Kangaroo

Why people love them:

• Highly liquid

• Recognized worldwide

• Easy to store and sell

Lesson learned: unless you want to dive into the world of coin collecting (which is a whole other rabbit hole), skip the numismatics.

3. Gold Rounds: Like Coins, But Less Fancy

Imagine a gold coin… without the government stamp. That’s a gold round.

They’re produced by private mints, and while they still have high purity levels, they don’t carry the same instant recognition as a Gold Eagle or Maple Leaf.

That means:

• Lower premiums (yay!)

• Lower resale value (meh…)

If you’re stacking gold purely for metal value and don’t care about recognizability, rounds can be a solid choice. I picked up a few as an experiment. Felt like the off-brand cereal of the gold world. Still gets the job done.

4. Gold ETFs and Digital Gold: Not My Cup of Tea, But Worth Knowing

Okay, this one’s controversial.

Some folks swear by gold ETFs (Exchange-Traded Funds) or digital gold accounts where you “own” gold that’s held somewhere in a vault you’ll never see.

It’s convenient. You don’t have to worry about burglars or safes or accidentally dropping a coin down the sink (don’t ask).

But me? I like touching what I own. I want to feel the weight of it. See the shine. Smell the… okay maybe not smell. But you get the point.

If you’re more spreadsheet than survivalist, ETFs could be your thing. Just know you’re not holding the metal—you’re holding paper that says you own metal.

What I Did (And What I’d Do Differently)

Looking back, I jumped in with more excitement than strategy.

I bought coins for the art, rounds for the bargain, and bars because they felt baller. But what I should have done is this:

• Start with 1 oz bullion coins — they’re liquid, easy to store, and widely accepted.

• Diversify into smaller bars for flexibility in case I ever needed to sell in pieces.

• Avoid collector coins unless I’m ready to nerd out over historical mints (spoiler: I wasn’t).

• Actually think about storage before buying thousands of dollars in metal. (Let’s just say my sock drawer wasn’t cutting it.)

The Real Value? Peace of Mind

Look, I’m not saying gold is some magical solution to all of life’s financial problems. It won’t make your ex less annoying, it won’t fix your 401(k), and it definitely won’t stop you from impulse-buying things on Amazon at midnight.

But it does offer a kind of quiet comfort. Like, no matter what happens—market crashes, dollar dives, another social media platform ruining your productivity—gold’s just… there.

Solid. Heavy. Real.

That’s something, isn’t it?

Final Thoughts: Don’t Be the Guy Googling “What Is Investment Grade Gold” at 3AM

Or do. I mean, it worked out for me eventually.

If you’re thinking about gold, don’t overthink it—but don’t wing it either. Stick with the well-known bullion coins and bars, skip the frilly stuff unless you’re deep into collecting, and for the love of all things shiny, figure out how you’re going to store it before you start stacking.

At the end of the day, gold isn’t just an investment. It’s a statement.

And now, every time I open that safe (yes, I bought one), I feel just a little more secure. A little more in control.

And hey—if the world ever does go sideways?

At least I’ve got something better than toilet paper and crypto coins.

✌️ Stay golden.